Popcorn scale

The popcorn scale is the proprietary rating system of On Cinema at the Cinema. Instead of mainstream rating systems that use a scale of four stars or two thumbs up or down, On Cinema at the Cinema features a system where a movie can be rated anywhere from one to five bags of popcorn, though it is disputed if five bags of popcorn is the maximum a movie can be rated, or if a six bag rating is possible. According to host Tim Heidecker, “the laws of physics demand” regular movies must have at least one bag of popcorn, and there is no such thing as “zero bags of popcorn” for movies.^[1] However, zero bag ratings were given for things that were not movies, such as documentaries.

In addition to bags of popcorn, additional objects can be added to a movie of exceptional quality. Tim prefers to give up to two sodas for movies that he particularly enjoyed. Frequent guest and resident movie expert Gregg Turkington instead chooses various themed gifts related to the movie as mementos of the experience. Actor John Aprea once used a plus sign to signify his extreme enjoyment of The Colony.^[2]

The popcorn scale was one of the staples of On Cinema at the Cinema, having been implemented from the very first episode. Given Gregg's insistence on the rules of the scale, and his attachment to it throughout the series, (even using it personally for his own internal coding system,) it can be inferred that he may have had a direct hand in the development of the rating system before the show aired.

On Cinema On Demand appeared to forgo the popcorn scale, with host Joey P. giving star ratings in his “Joey's Take” segment. Gregg continues to give bag ratings, and converts Joey's star ratings to the popcorn scale for the convenience of viewers, however, no graphical representation was provided alongside the bag rating.

Tim's ratings almost always range around 4 - 6 bags of popcorn, while Gregg's are almost always 5. Some exceptions have occurred before:

• In S07E01, Tim scathingly reviews Ant-Man, which cast Gregg as Dale, giving it 1 bag of popcorn. Notably, he gives Fantastic Four, a film that cast Tim in a minor role, 6 bags in the same episode. With Gregg recusing himself from reviewing Ant-Man, this makes Ant-Man the lowest scored film ever in the series.
• In S11E04, Tim gives the documentary about his district attorney campaign, Mister America 0 bags of popcorn, calling it so full of lies and mischaracterization, lambasting director Josh Lorton for ignoring his instructions on what to include and exclude.

• Gregg gave Getaway 2 bags of popcorn in S03E09, calling it “not a great movie.”
• Gregg also gives Mister America a low score in S11E04, lamenting all the unused footage of the VFA that Josh Lorton could have used instead. He gives the film 3 bags of popcorn.

Occasionally, popcorn ratings are accidentally replaced with stars during a review.

• In S01E08, Tim temporarily gives Zero Dark Thirty 3 stars, with Gregg following with 4 stars. Tim commenting that a 4 star general would most likely be involved in the story of the movie reminds Gregg of the error, and the two quickly revert their reviews to 3 bags and 4 bags, respectively.
• Also in S01E08, Tim almost gives Monsters, Inc. 3D 3 stars, but immediately clarifies to 3 bags.
• In S01E09, Tim stops himself from giving Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away 5 stars, and instead eventually rates it 4 bags.
• In S04E05, Tim gives The LEGO Movie 3 stars in a swift five-word review.
• Star ratings were a prominent aspect in On Cinema On Demand where new co-host Joey P. only used the star rating during his review segment “Joey's Take”. Like old movie reviewers in the past, Joey's star rating scale never went past 4 stars, and half-stars were used often. The change was controversial to some guests, such as Gregg and Joe Estevez, who repeatedly expressed confusion or annoyance on the change the to the tried and true rating scale 14 seasons in.

During OCOD, Gregg would frequently convert Joey's ratings to the popcorn scale, although occasionally his conversions would be incorrect. Assuming Joey would never go past 4 stars, and knowing Gregg's opinion that the popcorn scale stops at 5 bags, this is what a proper conversion scale for Joey's ratings would look like:

The proper formula to convert a star rating to a popcorn rating is

5 * (r / 4)

where r is the star rating provided by a critic like Joey.

Occasionally, ratings have been given to things that are not movies. While documentaries were rated with the popcorn scale (though often getting zero bags for not being movies,) other rating systems have been implemented for other forms of media.

• Food, specifically popcorn, was rated on a 0-5 VHS tape scale. Tapes were chosen as the rating scale as an fun inversion of the usual convention of movies being rated by bags of popcorn.^[3]
• Gregg once rated a Star Trek novelization 2 bags of popcorn.^[4] No other unique rating system has been suggested for books.
• Songs, specifically Our Values are Under Attack, were rated on a 1-5 American flag scale. This scale was only used on the On Cinema Trading Card for Our Values are Under Attack.
• A 1-5 pretzel bag scale was proposed for television shows by Gregg Turkington, though it was never officially implemented.^[5]